Happy Easter

Well, today is Easter, and I've done nothing, really. Nothing that I set out to do. I learned more about Buddhism from watching Eddie Izzard's "Circle" special the other night than I have otherwise...

But something happened recently that has forced me to examine what I believe - my mother passed away. My mother, who was so active in the chuch, and whose faith never wavered for a second.

Her funeral mass was the first mass I'd been to in over a year....and it was in Spanish. I was surprised by how much I remembered of the Spanish prayers, but I was disappointed that I forgot as much as I did of the order of the mass (when to stand, when to sit...). Then again, my mind wasn't the clearest that day.

But I found that mass, the rosary the Hispanic Community from St. Boniface prayed at my mother's wake, and all the praying in between (at her bedside and beyond...) comforting. It didn't feel the same as it has in the past for me - there were times that I felt like I was praying to someone who had given up on me. There were times where I felt like I was praying to nothing, just reciting words because other people were doing it. Yet it was comforting. It felt active. It felt like somehow, somewhere, it was making a difference, even if I didn't feel like it was making a difference inside me...It's hard to explain...

I've believed for a long time now that God speaks to human beings in different ways. That all the religions of the world are different cultural manifestations of the same thing, and that they are all right and wrong for the same reasons. I'm a native Catholic speaker, but I think my natural inclination is to be multilingual, if that makes any sense. However, just like I don't want to lose my Spanish, I don't want to lose my Catholicism. I would just like to speak other religions with equal fluency. I'd like to be able to converse with God more strongly in a variety of "languages." That doesn't feel wrong.

I'm going to go to mass today, and I'm going to try to make it a habit again. While I'm questioning and looking into other things, there's no reason why I can't go somewhere that feels comfortable and homey. It couldn't hurt.

Happy Easter! (and Happy Passover...)

Hugs, Love, and Interfaith

The pressure of my job situation coupled with work I was doing toward my creative endeavors left me drained of the energy I would need to devote to any kind of a spiritual life...now that I sort of know what my job situation is going to be for a while, and the Stone Soup fundraiser is over, I hope to be able to devote more time to the learning I'd wanted to do.

First, I'll post the link to the Interfaith Center of New York. I first heard of them a few years ago (my boss does pro bono PR work for them), and have always admired their work - their whole mission is to find ways for people of different faiths to come together, as well as to teach about different faiths. I intend to pay them a visit very soon.

And through them, and the work on their annual Awards Gala I'm doing, I've learned about Amma. She's this spiritual leader from India who has basically goes around the world hugging people! :) She goes on these tours around the world and spends hours at a time hugging and blessing people. She's hugged 23 million people (as many as 50,000 a day - sometimes for 20+ hours straight) in her 50-odd year crusade for love and peace. I've been looking at her website, and reading this booklet about what she does, and it's really inspiring! She has her roots in Hinduism...but she pretty much all about doing everything you can with love and compassion. That if everything you do stems from love, that you can't really be wrong. She doesn't believe that there is one religion that's right for everyone, but that the one thing that we should all be doing is serving others. I really like that idea...As you know, I've been thinking about ways I can give more of myself to serve others and be more charitable. There are tons of humanitarian activities that she's got going on that I can easily take part in. I'll be paying her center in NYC a visit sometime soon, too. I'll be working the Interfaith Awards Gala in May, and she's going to be there, so I might get to meet her. I might even get a hug! :)

I'm so enamored of the idea of the hug as a tool for making the world a better place. I think I might try this, if just as an experiment....hugging people hello and goodbye if I've met them more than once. First time I meet you, handshake, and a hug every time after that....this is not to say I'm going to hug the guy at the deli or the guy who comes to pick up the garbage at my office (though it would be nice if at some stage things progressed to the point where that was possible), but....aw, hell. People will probably think I'm crazy. :) I'll try it for, like, a day and see how it goes.

Lastly, I've prayed exactly three times in the past two months. Twice before bed as it occurred to me (just to say thank you and to pray for my loved ones), and once at work after reading a prayer request from a girl on the LJCatholics community who's father has just passed away...(I will be friending her soon, as we've faced similar parental illness situations) On the one hand, I'm proud that I've prayed. On the other hand, I'm a little disappointed in the fact that I can count the times I've prayed recently on one hand.

Laziness

I have been profoundly lazy on so many levels recently - in my spirituality, in the pursuit of my Earthly goals....and most alarmingly in my desire to contribute to the world. I suppose I shouldn't beat myself up over it. No one can be completely on all the time. Yet I can't help but feel like there's so much more I should be doing.

I just wish I knew what that was supposed to be. I wish I knew what I was on this Earth do do.
(doesn't everyone?)

Pierre and I were talking the other day about how no one really does even a tenth of a percent of what they could be doing for humanity, and it's true. I could say I have no time, but the truth is I don't make time. I should. But for what?

I saw the film Sophie Scholl: The Last Days yesterday with Liz. Aside from being a wonderful movie, it also hit the point home that I could be doing so much more with my life; so much more for others. I just wish I knew how. I wish I had the attention span. I wish I weren't so lazy.

I've been lazy as far as my "mission", too. I should've known that setting a "research schedule" for myself was a bad idea, and certainly a sure-fire way to give me something to not follow... :) However, I don't think the past few days have been a complete waste of time as far as that goes, either. While I haven't been doing the homework (which I still plan to get to), I have been finding things in unexpected sources that allow me to think about things from this angle...

Like The Odyssey, for instance. I can't help but wonder as I read what it must have been like to live in a world where the gods were such a part of everyday life, where people actively interacted with religion. And also, what does it mean that - no matter what religion you're talking about - people always (and have always) attributed such human characteristics to their Higher Powers: wrath, jealousy, pain, love... Why does God have to want anything? Why would God want anything from us. God is God. God is.

In "Sophie Scholl", we see that Sophie was a Christian, and she was praying constantly. She gave herself over to God, and while she was praying for her life, she also put herself entirely in God's hands. Considering what happened to her, it's tempting to ask Where is God in all this? I found myself asking that as I watched in spite of myself...all I could come up with were more questions...the biggest one being: why is it that death is the only thing that will make people sit up and take notice? Death gets a reaction. No one sits around watching people do good deeds....but if that person who does good deeds dies? Suddenly, there's this outpouring of emotion where before there was apathy. Is it in the cards that certain people are going to die "examples?" Or does God allow the systems we've created to do what they will, and people being people, we have a tendency to kill each other unjustly.... I'm not sure at the moment.

And I'm still too lazy to write anything more than surface on the subject...

Still reading "Mere Christianity", and it's still brilliant. I don't think I'm going to get much research done, though, until after this week is over. The job search and the fundraiser planning are going to put a strain on me this week - I can feel it. But after this week: look into volunteer opportunities, get back to the research...

Interesting Tidbits...

I believe in God, only I spell it Nature. - Frank Lloyd Wright

I like that quote, I randomly came across a Frank Lloyd Wright quote page today, and I had no idea he was so interesting!

Anyway, the other thing I wanted to record here is this:

I've been reading Homer's Odyssey, and I came across this line in it...

But here's an unlucky wanderer strayed our way
and we must tend him well. Every stranger and beggar
comes from Zeus, and whatever scrap we give him
he'll be glad to get. - Nausicaa in The Odyssey

It reminded me of this:

Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers
That you do unto me (Matthew 25: 40)

I just found it interesting that this idea of our treatment of the poor being a direct reflection of how we treat God (or the gods) is found in both these places. These are the things I'm trying to find. The connections.

I haven't had time to do the research I've wanted to on Christianity so far...but I am starting to read C.S. Lewis' "Mere Christianity" today along with continuing The Odyssey - as it discusses his take on the similarities between the Christian denominations, which is exactly the idea I'm trying to explore. I'll let you know how that goes...

The Mission

So, here's the thing...

Inspired by a mission I read about on the LJ Catholic community, I am planning on using the Lenten season this year as a serious time of learning and reflection....or as a friend of mine put it, I'm "giving up Catholicism for Lent." Not really. :) But what I wanted to do was divide the next forty days into different religions and spend some time learning a little about each one. I don't, by any means, expect to become an expert or anything - I just want to expose myself to the basics of other religions with which I'm not familiar, while also learning a little more about my own. In my original spirituality post (see "The Backstory"), I mention the desire to try to seek out the one human religion, to try to find the places where all the religions intersect. I suppose one of my main goals is to come as close to that as possible, and to come closer to figuring out the best way for me to express my gratitude to God. I prayed a couple of nights ago for the first time in a long time, and I was glad to be doing it...at the same time, it felt weird. I know that God understands; and I'm hoping that I will get to a point where it won't be weird anymore - however I choose to do it. There was a time when I spoke to God and it felt like the most natural thing in the world. I miss that.

So, here is the schedule:

March 2-5: Christianity (how are the denominations similar, and different - sadly, I don't know nearly enough about this)

March 6-8: Buddhism

March 9-11: Judaism

March 12-14: Islam

March 15-17: Hinduism

March 18-20: Taoism

March 21-23: Wicca

March 24-26: Iroquois and Australian Aboriginal Spirituality (two indiginous groups in which I've become interested recently)

March 27-29: Deism/Spiritual Humanism

March 30-April 1st: Satanism/Scientology (this one freaks me out the most, but I want to learn a little about everything)

The remaining two weeks before Easter, I want to use to follow up on any of the above religions that particularly interest me, as well as use the entire Lenten period to go to at least one service for each one. I'd like to talk to clergy representative from each one if I can, as well as a layperson who practices.

The other thing I'd like to do during these 40 days, is devote more of myself to doing some sort of good. I haven't figured out what that means for me yet, but I was inspired by a conversation I had at work today - no one does nearly enough for humanity. We don't even do a small percentage of what we're capable of...so I'd like to figure out how I can do more. Who knows? It might even become a habit.

I don't think I'm going to change the world, or save it. I don't think that I'm going to have some life-altering revelation, or anything like that. The greatest hope I have for the next 40 days is that I learn to be less lazy when it comes to the kind of person I'd like to be. I want to at least start figuring out where Adult Teresa stands on certain things...

I'll be recording that journey here - things I've learned, observations, as well as schedules for various religious services. If anyone would like to join me (or has any recommendations), I'd love to hear from you!

The Backstory

So as to better understand where I'm coming from as far as this 40 day mission, you should read this post from my personal blog re: a conversation I had about religion, philosophy, morality, and what have become my current beliefs:

Epiphanies (from 12/9/05)

This is a very exciting time for me - not nearly as hopeless and depressing as I thought these feelings would be. As I mentioned previously, the other night, Adam, Liz#2 and I had a wonderful, thought-provoking conversation about religion and philosophy, morality and spirituality...stayed up until about 4AM. Much was said, and I learned much about each of them. That Adam is spiritual in a very interesting way, though I might not agree with several of the points he made. That Liz#2, too, is a very spiritual person, and is very happy to follow her own code - though she has expressed interest in exploring Judaism more thoroughly, as it's part of her history...

As for me...I don't know. I've been thinking about all of this a lot in the past year, but this particular conversation has forced me to put certain things into words that I never have before. I'm starting to become more and more comfortable admitting that perhaps I'm not totally Catholic anymore. It's sad to admit, and at the same time...freeing. What hasn't changed is my belief in God (whatever form God takes), and my desire to get closer to God. To life a life of gratitude and of knowing that neither I, nor human beings, are the be-all and end-all.

However, I (unlike Adam) don't see structure and dogma as detrimental or contrary to spirituality. I think it can help people express it. I also don't think that the function of organized religion is to "have all the answers." I think it attempts to give its followers tools with which they can express their appreciation for the mysteries. The so-called "answers" are only a framework through which we can appreciate what we don't know. By acknowledging a God, we are also acknowledging that there is much to which we don't have the answer - we are acknowledging our own powerlessness. The very act of believing in God is essentially saying "I don't have all the answers. But somehow, somewhere, someone or some force out there does. And maybe the answer is "chaos." Maybe the answer is that there is no answer. But I acknowledge that. And that's enough." It's funny that agnostics generally get credited with thinking along those lines, when I think that believers in a God are doing the same thing. They're just giving the unknown a name.

I had an interesting thought last night. Not a new thought in the grand scheme of things, but it was new to me (especially in terms of Christianity), and I was quite proud of it. Adam, indeed most people, see the "purpose" of organized religion as answering the questions. That the rules and dogma are an end unto themeselves. But what if the purpose of organization was to be able to discern the holes? What if we were to build this structure so that we can more easily see what's missing? (I feel like I'm treading on Buddhist ground right now....or Taoism....the questions are more important than the answers....)

I don't know if this will make any sense, but bear with me....I was thinking of the Bible as an example of this. People bring up/complain about its contradictions all the time and either a) dismiss them (what contradictions?), b) rationalize them (well, it's not really a contradiction...you see, when you look at it in relation to...), or c) point them out as a flaw (see? this makes no sense! Therefore, the whole book is wrong!) What if it's d) none of the above? What if the contradictions are the point? What if the whole reason why God inspired the Bible was to put those contradictions in so that we could use them as a tool to think, and wonder, and grow in our faith? Instead of trying to rationalize the contradictions, or seeing them as rubbish, what if we're supposed to see them for the contradictions they are and work through them? What if everyone's been missing the point this whole time? What if God gives human beings more credit than we give ourselves?

OK, now here's a list. It is subject to change, of course, but it's where I stand right now:

I BELIEVE:

- that there is a higher power that I will continue, for now, to call God - mostly because God is one, easy syllable. (kidding!)
- that organized religion can be very helpful in expressing one's spirituality, but...
- ...no one organized religion is completely right
- more and more in a human religion that is found where all the world religions intersect
- the differences are important insofar as they are reflections of culture, region, and time period, but not as a determining factor in any person's worth, or morality
- moral codes are determined both by the selfish human need to survive and the capacity that people have to care about others...which is really a reflection of how they care about themselves...which is not derrogatory or negative. It just is.
- it's understandable that, while human beings are a part of a greater universe and are not the be-all and end-all, it is not our job to try and rectify that. All we have with which to work is our piddly humanity. All we can do is see everything through a human lens. Whenever we "sympathize" with animals (or even plants), we are merely putting a human face on something that isn't. We don't really care about the thing, we care about how the thing makes us feel about ourselves. Again, not wrong. Just is. And is extremely understandable. So, while it might be wise to acknowledge the fact that we are no higher or lower than any other living species on this planet (or in this universe), "fixing" it isn't really necessary, nor should it be expected except over the course of our long-term evolution. It's just the way we are.

That's all for right now. But now, I have a mission. I want to find the places where the world religions intersect and figure out this one human religion. I feel like this would be the best way to express my gratitude and spirituality at the moment....but it also requires a lot of learning and research on my part. And I would like to enlist your help....I already know Jews, Catholics, a Pentacostal, and a Pagan. If anyone reading this knows a practicing Muslim, a Hindu, a Buddhist, or anyone of any other religion who wouldn't mind sitting down and talking with me over coffee (my treat!) or over e-mail about their religion and why they practice it, let me know. I'll probably be reading books about them too, but nothing beats talking to someone about what their spirituality means to them.

I feel very good about this. :)