Laziness

I have been profoundly lazy on so many levels recently - in my spirituality, in the pursuit of my Earthly goals....and most alarmingly in my desire to contribute to the world. I suppose I shouldn't beat myself up over it. No one can be completely on all the time. Yet I can't help but feel like there's so much more I should be doing.

I just wish I knew what that was supposed to be. I wish I knew what I was on this Earth do do.
(doesn't everyone?)

Pierre and I were talking the other day about how no one really does even a tenth of a percent of what they could be doing for humanity, and it's true. I could say I have no time, but the truth is I don't make time. I should. But for what?

I saw the film Sophie Scholl: The Last Days yesterday with Liz. Aside from being a wonderful movie, it also hit the point home that I could be doing so much more with my life; so much more for others. I just wish I knew how. I wish I had the attention span. I wish I weren't so lazy.

I've been lazy as far as my "mission", too. I should've known that setting a "research schedule" for myself was a bad idea, and certainly a sure-fire way to give me something to not follow... :) However, I don't think the past few days have been a complete waste of time as far as that goes, either. While I haven't been doing the homework (which I still plan to get to), I have been finding things in unexpected sources that allow me to think about things from this angle...

Like The Odyssey, for instance. I can't help but wonder as I read what it must have been like to live in a world where the gods were such a part of everyday life, where people actively interacted with religion. And also, what does it mean that - no matter what religion you're talking about - people always (and have always) attributed such human characteristics to their Higher Powers: wrath, jealousy, pain, love... Why does God have to want anything? Why would God want anything from us. God is God. God is.

In "Sophie Scholl", we see that Sophie was a Christian, and she was praying constantly. She gave herself over to God, and while she was praying for her life, she also put herself entirely in God's hands. Considering what happened to her, it's tempting to ask Where is God in all this? I found myself asking that as I watched in spite of myself...all I could come up with were more questions...the biggest one being: why is it that death is the only thing that will make people sit up and take notice? Death gets a reaction. No one sits around watching people do good deeds....but if that person who does good deeds dies? Suddenly, there's this outpouring of emotion where before there was apathy. Is it in the cards that certain people are going to die "examples?" Or does God allow the systems we've created to do what they will, and people being people, we have a tendency to kill each other unjustly.... I'm not sure at the moment.

And I'm still too lazy to write anything more than surface on the subject...

Still reading "Mere Christianity", and it's still brilliant. I don't think I'm going to get much research done, though, until after this week is over. The job search and the fundraiser planning are going to put a strain on me this week - I can feel it. But after this week: look into volunteer opportunities, get back to the research...